the boyfriend card.

I, being female, reserve the right to a few things.

To name a few:

Being grumpy for five consecutive days a month.

Change my clothes at least four times a day.

Wear leggings as pants on rare occasions and never, ever in public.

Having a complicated order at Café Rio, Sonic, Jimmy Johns, and Krave.

And,

I also reserve the right to play the boyfriend card.

Every single girl on this earth has a ‘Boyfriend Card’ and it may be used in dire situations or whenever the girl feels like it.

Tonight, I used mine.

Woman and I decided to put the bleach stripes back in my hair, so we went to Sally’s and purchased dye. On further inspection we discovered that we needed processer as well as the dye. Back we went. Both of us looked rather nice.

It was when we were in the parking lot, walking out to my car when Woman belched like a man.  

She’s very, very good at that. It’s both impressive and oh-so annoying.

Anywho, these preemies of men decided that we were the catch of the night and talking to us was necessary.

                “What are you two beautiful ladies doing tonight?” he smelled like something illegal.

                “We are dying hair” gesturing to the Sally’s bag

                “Does that take all night?” yes, yes it does actually.

                “Kind of, and we’ve got some other things going on tonight.”

                “Are you a man hater? Why are there so many man haters in this place? I want to know who ruined men for you. I’ll go beat him right now.” Really now?

                “…Um. We aren’t man haters. We just have plans tonight” I was fingering my rape whistle, wishing I’d listened to Robin and put my pepper spray in my bag.

                “Break your plans, we could have a lot of fun” I don’t like your kind of fun, bub.

I knew it was time, time for the boyfriend card.

“Well my boyfriend is coming back from camping tonight, so I think I’ll see him later”

Chime in Woman “I have a boyfriend too”

                “Oh. You both have boyfriends? Of course you do. Tell your boyfriends that they better take you out to dinner tonight, somewhere nice, because if they don’t we will.”

They shook our hands and watched us get into my car. They waved as we sped away.

 If I have a boyfriend or not, it’s irrelevant. All that matters is I, being female, uphold the right to be able to inform, or claim, the existence of, a boyfriend.

Who’s with me?