dating diaries: the prom special [part four]

“April 25, 2010
My feet hurt, oddly so does my butt, but I think it was all worth it. Prom was last night. I’ll take it from the start…”
Cody came on a Thursday. He was wearing a white shirt, I was wearing a purple shirt. It was so weird that he was in the same state as me. From the moment he arrived, my friends interrogated him, complete with finger printing. Out of mercy, I won’t scan in his application to date me. But a few of my favorite questions and answers where:
“In fifty words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY BFF’ mean do you?”
If I touch your BFF, I’m going to be speaking in a high squeaky voice for a long time.
“In fifty words or less, what does the term ‘LATE’ mean to you?”
Not being on time?
“A woman’s place is_____”
In the home (clearly he got that one wrong)
Another favorite part of the application was ‘Daddy’s Rules for Dating’ as a light reading while the fingerprinting occurred.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package or a pizza, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are idiots.
Rule Six: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is fine with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for something, you should not be dating my daughter… Instead of standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car.
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka-zipped up to her throat. Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. (Inserted note from the besties: Yes between the three of us we have these things)
Rule Ten: Be very afraid. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early. Then go back to your car. There is no need for you to come inside.
We went to Happy Hour, we made dinner with my family, and had a homework party.
It was like we actually where dating.
But, I need to back up a little.
A few facts: This was his third prom. He asked another girl to his prom, he got asked to another prom, and then he asked me to my prom.
I wasn’t sure of my feelings towards him, and I wanted to be honest before he came out. So, the week before he flew out, we ‘broke up’, took a step back, whatever you want to call it. We became just friends.
Okay. Un-pause.
The next night we went to Café Rio (my obsession at the time) and got twisty cones (I’m famous for my love of the twisty cone).
Being with him was just like being with an old friend. I had so much fun.
The next day, was prom.
And he picked me up bright and early for our day date.
Conclusion coming soon!