oh. hi there.

You know those days when you have the feeling you just need to write? That your fingers know something that your mind doesn’t?

Today, I have that feeling.

It’s amazing how far one semester has changed me yet again.

Lets go back to the first day of the semester shall we?

                A freshly showered head popped into my room asking if I was planning on going to church, I told her not to judge me if I didn’t go.

That head became my best friend.

Annelise came into my life exactly when I needed her. She taught me about loving myself, believing in the male population again, she taught me to be brave, and she taught me to dance in public. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank Heavenly Father for putting her into my life, and I know it wasn’t a coincidence that she got moved rooms two weeks before semester started.

I started talking in my classes, saying hi to people, and trying new things.

Such as going to boys apartments with cupcakes.

                Yep. Call me a cupcake slut if you want.

Those boys became my best friends, I cannot wait to see the Colbie creep and to play Fruit Ninja with Jeffy again.

Being the FHE mom was scary, stressful, but so, so rewarding. Those men taught me so much about life, and how to talk to boys, and that they aren’t as scary as you think.

I learned so much about studying, and the power of not doing homework on Sunday. It’s rough, staying in on a Friday night, but not doing homework on Sunday improved my GPA.

I passed math guys! C+! that’s basically a B-! Which is above average!

                Never again will I have to take math again in my life. Can I get a whoop whoop?

My roommates taught me patience. And laughter. And that I can’t expect others to have the same standards of cleanliness as myself.

                And that sometimes, your roommates can be your very best friends. I miss my Allison. Her uncle lived in Peru.

Saying goodbye to the boys is what put everything into perspective. In my purple shorts and wrapped in my soiled zebra blanket, I realized something.

The old Meg would have never done anything this Megan did.

I talked to boys. I went on late night adventures. I studied. I talked to my neighbors. I held movie nights. I went to farmers markets alone. I went to things with people from class.

I was brave.

Then when I returned, I knew I couldn’t just go back to normal. I had to try. I had to be brave again.

So when I sent that text, the one that I wouldn’t have dared to send a year ago, I knew things were different.

I didn’t have to send that text.

But I did. And one day, I’ll tell you the story.

It might be mushy, it might be sad.

But in the end, I made a choice to be brave a long time ago.

It’s nice to finally be living up to that promise.

Working at a real life job isn’t very fun, but being able to take walks to go visit Robin helps tremendously. My eyes are falling out because all I do is stare at a computer screen all day long. But the pay is good, and I’m very poor.

It’s nice to be happy all the time. It’s nice to do things that scare me once and awhile. It’s nice to surprise people once and awhile.

Everything is different. I’m happy.

I’m living.

And I cannot wait to see what comes next.

We fall to learn how to pick ourselves up again.

                (I cried in Batman)

Life is about letting people in.

                It’s about forgiveness and letting it go.

It’s about being happy for others. It’s about saving children from the bushes and stepping on a bee in the process.

It’s life. You have to have the good with the bad. You have to be prepared to have it be dark before it can be great.

I wouldn’t take back any of the tears I have cried. I wouldn’t do over my freshman year of college.

If I did, I wouldn’t know how insanely happy I am.

And that means everything.

Happy summer.

I have to go to bed.

I’m typing this with my eyes closed.

I have to find the perfect dress to wear to a wedding tomorrow night.

                A boy might be accompanying me.

Excuse the obscenities.

But it’s the truth.