fearless friday.

Fear.

–noun

1.

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

I was in class (math to be exact) wearing an outfit Quinci picked out via telephone, sneaking glances at the attractive young man in my class, when the words of Eleanor Roosevelt flashed across my mind again. “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I’ve been failing at this, I thought as I made my way in the heat to my car.

I have been inside my bubble still. I whine about not having made new friends yet, I mumble when new people ask me my name, and I’m sitting in my house on a Friday night with no plans. It’s my fault. I’m the one who puts up this wall to protect myself. Which is dumb right? I’m still that girl who hides in the library during lunch. I try to be brave. Those moments come and go. I’m brave only fifty percent of the time and that’s not good enough. My roommate invited me to go to dinner with her and I kind of just let the invitation hang in the air. She just left and didn’t ask again. It’s my fault. I’m still that girl who wants to do something, but fear gets in the way. And I hold the door open for the fear. Fear is comfortable. Fear is safe and warm. Like a turtle shell or a cocoon. Eleanor, I’ve failed you. I promised I’d take your challenge and I haven’t.  

I climbed into my car, feeling a little down on myself because that was the day I was supposed to talk to the attractive young man in my math class. Being my father’s daughter, I noticed the Specialized mountain bike a rather attractive guy was taking off the racks on top of his car. I took my time, fiddling with my keys before driving away. As I was driving I noticed Mr. Attractive (the math one) had been walking behind me to the parking lot. He smiled at me as I almost fainted at the sight of him. I smiled back. Cheeks a’ blazing with my embarrassment. He waved, and laughed, as I drove away.

It’s very easy to get discouraged, especially when people tell you not do be. So here it is.

Fearless Fridays. By Friday, I’m going to do at least three fearless things. I challenge you to join me.

This week I:

Was thrown into a pool (fully clothed)

Made a new friend named Emily (who invited me to instate with her)

I asked for job applications at six places (the most awkward conversations ever)

Waved back at Mr. Math (yess!)

And I wake boarded for the first time (I didn’t quite stand up, but I had fun)

If we do fearless things, they knock down the walls of fear, releasing us turtles or butterflies into the world.

What fearless things did you do this week?