hello, my name is meg deck and i'm back.

Letting go seems to be something I struggle with.

Examples:

I still check up on my old elementary friends via facebook. We aren’t official friends, they don’t lock their profiles, but I still like to see that they are happy.

I still talk to, and still blush around, my very first ‘crush’.

I still say ‘we’ when talking about myself (I blame my best friends. Last year we were basically like polygamist sister wives)

I know that it’s not healthy to live in the past. The open door in front of you will eventually quietly close. Sometimes the fear takes over. Sometimes you can be your own stumbling block. How can you drive away when you are always looking in the rearview mirror?

I know that I have been living in the past. Clinging to what I know, praying for things to get better. But, you know what? I’ve been the problem. High school is over.

I can’t pretend that somehow, magically, my life will be the same wonderland it was last year. I have to make new mistakes and new friends. And now I have a whole new zip code to embrace. I’ve been hindering my own life. I’ve been blaming everyone but myself for my unhappiness. But throwing rocks in a glass house never works out well.

The past is safe. Known. I’m shy and awkward. No one gets that I’m trying to be funny when I wear my grandpa’s old goose sweater to class. When my world crumbled, again, I blamed everyone, and anything, I could. My roommates. My job. My school work. My professors. But never myself. You know what?

It was me.

Key word = was.

I’m back.

Tonight I picked up a few things on my way home from taking my very first final. Apples, butter, and a lemon to be exact. (I used this recipe, which I found here) I took my time, wanting to make it perfect. Apple crisp seemed to be the perfect way to say ‘I’m sorry for being such a crazy roommate’.

It turned out amazing. I highly recommend it. My roommates loved it too.

“Today is never too late to be brand new” – Taylor Swift.