don't let expectations govern you.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves.

We paint the smile on our face and force the laughter to come out as easy as breathing.

I’ve been lying to myself.

I’ve been pretending that I’m okay when I’m not. I’ve finally let the tears pour from my eyes and everything I’d wish I’d said has been spoken.  I’ve finally looked myself in the mirror and looked to see who was looking back.

I’ve been hiding from change. I’ve been hiding behind my homework and excuses that don’t make sense.

I’m in a shadow, trying to catch sunlight.

I was weeping on the phone to my mother, begging her to tell me how to fix my broken life, knowing that only I can answer that question, she told me to do service. I’ve been so focused on my messed up life that I’m the one messing it up.

I then was able to get a sneak peak of a missionary talk. He read me his talk in the cold, chattering slightly, over the phone because he’s a great friend. He talked about service. He didn’t have his scriptures with him so I got to read scriptures to a (almost) missionary. His talk was everything I needed to hear.

I’m going to be me. I know I’ve said this about a thousand times, but that’s the truth. I’m going to do service like crazy. I’m calling the hospital on Monday asking if I can read to kids or hold newborns.  I’m going to lose myself, and by doing that I’ll find myself. Because, how much more lost can I be?

I was talking to another friend of mine about how much we miss home. How it’s abnormal how much we miss home. When I said something very profound.

“Don’t let expectations govern you”

I am Meg.

I am a strong, able bodied person, and

I

can

do

this.