dear drew.

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry about our conversation this afternoon. I know I got defensive, I’m sorry that I took it out on you. It’s just, you are the one that I want to talk to when I’m sad and you told me that you don’t like talking to me when I’m sad. You can see why that made me a little sad. But, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You are just trying to help. I promise you that I’m trying. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I try every day to talk just a little more to the people I sit by in class. I try to smile at just one more person than I did the day before. I’m trying. It’s small. But that’s as much as I can do.

Remember you asked me if I was happy? You asked if I remembered the last time I was happy too. Dad, that’s a tough question. I don’t remember. The truth is stated perfectly in The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

That’s the truth dad. I’m happy and sad at the same time. I know that isn’t the answer you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

I know that all you want is for me to be happy, just know that I’m trying. I’m trying so hard make you proud. I’m trying to make this the memorable experience that it should be. But, shouldn’t I not have to try? Shouldn’t happiness be natural? Dad. You asked me to make a list of things that would make me happy, then go after them. Kind of like a bucket list. I don’t have a full list for you, but I have a few things that will make me make me happy.

Dad, I just want you to know that I’m trying. I’m sorry that it doesn’t seem like I am, but I promise you that all I want is to be happy and to make you proud. I don’t want to call home crying anymore. It’s not fun for me either.

I’m sorry that things have been tense lately, I’m hoping that the silver lining will show itself any day now. But if not, I’ll just have to make my own won’t I?  

I love you dad.

Megmeg.