Spiders and Time.

I was in relief society this morning and the woman welcoming us informed us all that this is the last Sunday of July. "It’s practically August. It’s almost over", I thought. This summer was the bridge between my lives. I’m closing a chapter. The end is coming, not the END, but THE end. Finale. It’s over. Done. Complete.

So much of my life has been in this bubble, I’ve been surrounded by people who help me stand up. But it’s almost time for me to leave everything I’ve ever known behind. I’m standing on the threshold of my existence, about to jump, and I’m not sure where I’m going to land or if my parachute works.

During my sophomore year of high school I had an amazing English teacher.  She introduced me to Walt Whitman, my favorite poet. Leaves of Grass changes my life every time I read it. One of my favorite poems is A Noiseless Patient Spider. (Fact: I hate noiseless patient spiders)

A NOISELESS, patient spider,
I mark’d, where, on a little promontory, it stood, isolated;
Mark’d how, to explore the vacant, vast surrounding,
It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself;
Ever unreeling them—ever tirelessly speeding them.
And you, O my Soul, where you stand,
Surrounded, surrounded, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing,—seeking the spheres, to connect them;
Till the bridge you will need, be form’d—till the ductile anchor hold;
Till the gossamer thread you fling, catch somewhere, O my Soul.

This poem describes exactly how I’m feeling. To me, it’s talking about how these spiders jump and let go. They fly away basically, they don’t know where they’ll end up but they still go. Oh my soul, where do I stand? I’m surrounded by oceans of space, wondering exactly where I’m going to end up. I know I have to go at this alone. One day I’ll end up where I belong. But for now I’m standing, ready to jump. My toes are wiggling and time is passing by.

Time is a tricky thing. I have three weeks left, but I know that it’s not that much time. Oh time. Where do you go? I’m never going to get these moments back. There goes another one. Spend time with those you love. Those who make you laugh. Earn your wrinkles and scares. I’d rather have a memory than a flawless completion.

Thank you for spending precious time reading my thoughts.