the vocal stylings of zac efron.

Dear wisdom teeth,

One of my favorite things to do is to brush my teeth. I love that crisp, clean feeling of freshly polished teeth. I use the best toothpaste ever, it’s Crest 3D white, it’s amazingggg. I promise. It leaves your teeth feeling fresh for hours and it whitens your pearly whites like crazy. I spend forever brushing my teeth. Well I used to. Until Friday.

I took plenty of time in the morning because I knew what was coming. I knew that my dentist would be spending the next three or so hours ripping my wisdom teeth out. I slowly put on my sweats and looked at the two little blue pills in the orange pill bottle. ‘That’s it? These are what are standing between me and major pain?’ I thought as I poured apple juice and plopped the two pills into my palm. I shook my head and told my sister that I didn’t want to do it. She told me to. We went on like this for a good ten minutes. I placed them onto my tongue and swallowed. Now, this is when it gets fuzzy. I’m going to have a combo of what I remember and what I’m told.

I went to my dentist office, said hi to the receptionist, and flopped on the couch. I remember my mother asking me about a few guys I have dated and that my head was really, really heavy. They called me back and my legs didn’t work so well. I kept tripping and they didn’t want to lift up. They had me sit in the chair and had me pick a movie. I picked Hairspray for some odd reason. The nice lady ‘who was in charge of making sure I didn’t die’ gave me blankets ‘from heaven’ and the earphones so I could listen to the movie. The only problem was that there wasn’t any sound. I wanted to say something, but there were all sorts of stuff in my mouth. I remember crying. Lots and lots of crying.

I don’t remember the dentist ‘telling me in his ‘doctor voice’ that ‘I’m doing a good job’’ I don’t remember that my dentist’ ‘doctor voice’ sounds like a fairy voice. I don’t remember them wheeling me out and me practically falling out of the wheelchair. And them telling me that I had such a nice sister to help me and wait for me out in the lobby ‘She doesn’t have anything better to do’ I responded. Whoa. I’m rude. On the way home the gauze was ‘floating in my mouth’ apparently I sing when I’m drugged. I sang a lot of my complaints. I called my dentist ‘Satan’ for not letting me ‘listen to the vocal stylings of Zac Efron’ and I couldn’t hold up my twisty cone. I said ‘oops’ like a little girl and didn’t want to take any of the hard core pain killers because I didn’t want to end up like a woman who doesn’t ‘wear hair’. I did take the pills and found out that I will never be a pain killer junkie. I threw up every ten minutes. Whoa Nelly! That was rough. I had several visitors, and I threw up during each of their visits. They left soon after. I understand. My sister’s boyfriend came to pick her up for a date and he wanted to say hi and as she’s saying ‘oh good, she’s not throwing up right now’ I began to vomit like crazy. The poor kid froze in place. I’m sorry bud. My dentist called me that night and was concerned for my well being. Good guy. He’s not Satan.

Saturday was a lot better. I have a six pack now from all the vomiting. And the left side of my face is huge. I miss my cheek bones. I watched The Food Network and missed food for six hours. My dear mother got me French fries for dinner. They were heavenly. I had several visitors and I didn’t even throw up. I had to gargle with salt water. Let me tell you, that was a trial, and you would not believe what came out of my mouth, literally, I didn’t take up cursing.

Today has been hard. My face hurts. I woke up and my face hurt, pain, major pain. I won’t take any of the hard core stuff. We flushed those, which is really bad for the environment. I did a report on it. I’ll put that up later. I’m super sick to my stomach and want my teeth back. I can’t open my mouth all too well; I can barely get my toothbrush in there.

Wisdom teeth, you smell. Oh wait. I don’t have you anymore.

Stop being such a pain.

With love,

Megan Rose.