eleven years.

Even though it was eleven years ago, and I was only seven, I can remember everything about that morning.

I remember what show I was watching on TV. I can remember what I had for breakfast.

I can still remember my dad leaving, how happy we all where.

                I can still hear his voice when he came back inside, collapsing into my mom’s arms, after he got the phone call.  

It’s been eleven years, and I still miss you Grandma Josie. I’m so sorry we didn’t get to be real friends, now that I’m all grown up. Everyone calls me little Josie. It makes me happy that part of you is still alive in me. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye.

I don’t remember my last words to you; you went to heaven too quickly. Your heart was too big for this world. I think you are lovely. I’m trying to cook more, because it makes me think of you.

I miss you. In heaven, will you help me make your cookies? Will you smell the same? I still have your lotion, I smell it sometimes and it makes me think of you.

Are you still saying ‘oh Jimmy, don’t tease the grandkids?’ He’s in heaven with you too. Oh boy, do I miss him. I miss his laugh. His peace. Him. He missed you too much, that’s why he got to go to heaven and be with you again. Does his belly still sound like a tiger? Or was that the cancer? Does he still laugh with his whole body? Does he still call me sugar in heaven? It’s been ten years, do I have a new nick name?

Grandpa Jim? Do you still call me sugar? Do you know what I’d give to hear you call me sugar again? It makes me sad to know that you’ll never get to build things for a house of my own. Whenever I see a green truck, I still think of you.

Do you remember that one time I peed down the slide at Burger King?

I miss you both, every single day. I know you are cheering me on from heaven. I know I’ll see you again, when it’s my turn to go to heaven.

Please know that I love you. I was so little, but I loved you. I don’t know if I ever told you. I don’t remember.

I do remember that you loved me, and that’s all that matters I guess.

Eleven years.

It still feels like yesterday.

I know that you’re watching over me, Heavenly Father told me so.

I’ll keep raising havoc, making you proud.

Your little Meggy.

Ps. I love you.